previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons
called petrified yeah i'm gonna stab it in the butt right in the butt you see down in the mist
a crystallizing diamond form as he is stomping on your friend donnie's gonna do his fire weapon
it doesn't see it coming it just goes straight up his butthole oh jeez jesus oh boy yeah i'm
in a wild shape into a winter wolf i yell guys a door Flamikins kins yells a window i'm gonna
disengage in a bucket over to that opening with my diamond in my hand yeah essentially i'm going
to stand in the way as if there was a door there that might try to close and i'm at the
supermarket and it's not going to be able to close because i'm in the sensor and as you
continue down the path you turn and see that the gorgon stops at the passageway that is
created and kind of steps back and tips his hat because he was wearing a hat that we
didn't say after a short while you enter back into the sundial room i see why sundials are no
longer in favor welcome to Dumbgeons and dragons we are a dnd fifth edition actual play podcast
and i'm your dungeon master rust more and with me today is carla johnson hey i am carla johnson
i play Nulara moonbrook and amy more yeah i am i play thea amistacia and flint
nope tom laird that's me i play flint Firebeard i made that mistake in a while all right uh hi
guys how's it going good it's going real good you can also find us on Patreon Patreon.com
dumb dragon cast where uh if you uh choose to join us in that community just know that uh
your money's going towards making this podcast uh better with each episode is what it really
that's true i haven't seen any of those dollars it all goes towards stuff and i'm like where's my
new iphone have a new chair so that i'm not sitting on something hard and rust is all like
iphone no chair maybe we'll see microphone for tom yes microphone for tom yes mic stand and
and hooky thing for carla yes yep uh going to podcon 2 yeah yeah all these great things
and so much more could be could be yours i'm just kidding on the price is right yeah we would never
use your money for things like iphones and shit that's super dishonest and we are i'm a samsung
guy myself so not when you can sign up for a two-year plan and get a free phone yeah right
come on visit phoneprovider.com for details we'll go to provider.com just sub in that
new sponsor we get yep i've got i've got like three weeks to figure it out so yeah fuck it
let's play dnd previously you fought a gorgon multiple times or multiple gorgons as tom would
say lots of butt stuff there was so much butt stuff you're back in the sundial room and the
shadows are still pointed at all of the individual exits hey you guys we have three
of these stupid stones and by three i mean six i'm very distraught let's find one more and get
the fuck out of here agreed why do we think there's one more because there are seven exits
and there are i'm assuming there are seven stones isn't there technically eight exits
i mean we count the bullshit sundial hole motherfucker that makes well then then
there's even nine there's nine god damn it i don't know why i thought there was
oh can i have a nap oh wait we have seven how long have we been in here yes no we have
seven we need eight we have a garnet a topaz a pearl a jade a bloodstone and now a diamond
we have seven we need one more because there are eight exits let's just get it and then
i get growly as you as you're getting growly and talking about how you want to find all
these stones you notice flame begins and she goes and sits down and kind of leans up against the
hedge and you continue talking there for a little while and then you look back and she's
disappeared told her not to wander off okay thought you had that leash on her like those
moms and malls have for their kids i find leashes offensive at this moment i don't know
why should probably uh go over to where flamma kynce was last seen and poke around see what's
over there i go and i sniff can i smell her sure you can everybody make an investigation roll
okay shit 17 plus 15 i don't think i have investigation but i have keen hearing and smell
21 so i have advantage on perception checks that rely on hearing or smell
yeah the 17 is better that's fine um yeah so you you're all looking around where she and
you're kind of peeking down mate seeing if she went down one of the corridors um and one of you
flint kind of leans up against the hedge and falls through back and flint where he you saw
him he was examining the end of kind of the between two he's disappeared um do we see the
hedges move at all or was he just here one day the hedges don't appear to be moving but that's
where he was standing i think it's like the stupid sundial it's another one of those
fucking portal gate stupid shit i go i go in yeah me too because i poke my head the only
thing i want less than being in this room is uh being without my friends okay so everybody
walks through the hedge flamey kins is the first to go through and she's trying to get her
her bearings and then flint comes through behind her and what you see flint as you and
flamey kins are looking around but first do you say anything i guess as i fall into the
room so you emerge uh within sight of a circle at the foot of the tower the body of
a dead cultist lies sprawled on the ground and you can assume it's the one that iskander threw
off the balcony earlier and beside you you see a straight path that leads directly to
the sundial intersection another path extends 30 yards beyond the sundial ending at the exit
to the village and then after you're kind of looking around seeing that everybody else
piles through and you are all examining the area oh my god you guys we made it
isn't there supposed to be was it was it an hourglass some kind of thing to like teleport
us or something it was something well didn't iskander say he was going to meet us at the
bottom he was going to leave something for us so we could transport in somewhere let me
just check my notes from 2015 when we weren't in the base
so you guys have been in here for like honestly like max 30 minutes
well like really good an eternity it feels like oh i found it heroes look for me beneath
the tower it's an hourglass i was right also white hourglass it will allow us to teleport
into the dungeon so beneath the tower so we have to go into the basement i believe
we're supposed to teleport in i assume that hourglass will teleport us to the dungeon where
he will be let's look for this hourglass everybody give me an investigation roll
that is got a 17 17 for that is 10 14 14 okay so 17 was not as good as 17 okay fair enough
you're looking around the tower and it is just that there's a tower and then
it's encircled by the maze and then like i mentioned there was a path that leads to
the sundial room and then has a direct exit outside the maze that you can see
after some looking around that is speaks up and he says this circle here and he points to the
circle at the base of the tower and he says i'm pretty sure it might be a teleportation
circle to get us in there because there's no doors and no stairs and no foreseeable way in
in well how do we use it well if uh if you stand in it how big is the circle
it seems to be large enough that everybody could stand in it that was my question all right
peeps let's gather in gather around come on should we all step in at the same time is
this what he meant by the hourglass he was supposed to leave for us he you know he held
up something i mean i have hourglass written down i think he has the hourglass but i think we need
to find him at the base of the tower and he will teleport us with his special hourglass
up to the top of the tower where the mask is no because he had the mask in his hand
so he was on the balcony so hold on here is what he said heroes they saw you in the village
i've taken the mask but they'll realize it's missing within minutes look for me beneath the
tower for it's the only place i have a chance to hide this is the key that will teleport you
into the dungeon as he speaks the figure holds aloft a short sec or a second item some sort
of white Glimering hourglass i will leave it behind after i use it but others may find it
before you do oh so it's at the top of the tower where he was maybe or maybe it's not
because some other like cleaning lady found it dorothean is cleaning up she does a good job
she put it with the others and did it with the other knickknacks okay sorry i was under the
impression he left it like outside on the grounds but apparently that is not the case
he may have but others may have gotten to it first maybe that's what this
circle i say we just go into the circle let's just see what fucking happens do it i agree
i'm just so happy to be away from where we've been this whole time new welcome to the murder
circle wait how's everyone feeling before we do that anybody need to like take a little potion
potion or how we doing can i have more than 75 hit points no okay then i am at full capacity
for my wolfy self i'm a little bit hurt but i can manage for the time being yeah i think
i am too i'm fine i'm not excellente but i'm pretty okay just thought i checked before
we entered the enemy's tower with no escape route you all begin to walk into the circle
and as each of you steps kind of both feet into the circle you are teleported into another room
what seems to be an interior to the tower now the exterior of the tower appears square
this room appears cylindrical the walls of this chamber bear exotic geometric designs
representing feathers eagles and snakes all rendered in a style you've never seen before
to one side of the room a human female is sprawled face down in a pool of blood
she is dressed like a high ranking member of the cult of the dragon in the room you stand
in what looks to be a another teleportation circle there are two balconies set eight feet
above the floor and can easily be reached by climbing but no no doors no doors okay no stairs
no nothing so just another teleportation circle um everybody may or those that
uh feel like they're looking around make an investigation check i will investigate crit fail
six 15 15 you notice behind the teleportation circle itself symbols on the wall you examine
them and you see the symbol of a chair you see the symbol of two chairs you see an upside down
l a rectangle a flame a star a square an hourglass and a right triangle
because if it's not a right angle it's a wrong angle
uh so that hourglass looks fun you don't see shit what are you talking about
oh yeah no i've been rendered blind after the critical fail
that is what happens he's like a perception check in shock and awe at this dead lady in
cultist robes that he just can't take any anymore oh my god he's never seen death like that
before yeah no all my time as a soldier never once given let's let's say that you are in
fact investigate which is why your investigation for this was so bad you're investigating the
body so give me an investigation or a medicine check rather investigation all right that's a plus
two so that's a 17 you're examining the body as everybody else is kind of tickling tickling
taking a look around the room um and you can tell that the the cult member was killed by
what looks like a dragon tooth dagger so i i relay that information to uh my friends and say i uh
i think this this lady got killed by a dragon tooth dagger brutal you know dragon tooth daggers
to be a chosen weapon of certain cult members you heard him hey look hey look hey look at
these these pictures on the walls look at these symbols i like to sit i like to sit a lot
i like to have upside down letters um long square ouchy stuff sparkly in the sky we have
square and what looks like an hourglass and a three-sided square so are they are they buttons
kit is this like an elevator can we just press a button can we can we touch one
i can't i have paws somebody else touch one hey Nulara come on over here can you touch
the hourglass one lame okay first lay me out the room where is everybody standing
in front of these symbols everybody is standing in front of this no i only speak for me okay
i am also in front of the symbols and i speak for Nulara i was close to the body but now
i'm back towards them okay we'll say that you're all in front of the symbols well
because i said hey guys come and look at these symbols i assume they were like they were
like fuck off via we should have with your goddamn symbols all right i'm just checking
you touch sorry the hourglass is that what you said yep yeah you feel a wave of energy
course through you but nothing happens does she do it again and again because it felt so good
it felt so good let's uh let's get back on that teleportation pad you're on the
oh we're on it oh yeah this this is like so the teleportation bat is like up against the
wall and these are within the teleportation pad ah okay but there is another teleportation pad
right there is oh just the one there's the one you only see the one in the room can donnie
fly up and like look and see if there's anything up on those balconies sure yep he
flies up it gives a quick examine to both of them he's like uh yeah guys it looks like there's
those symbols there there's there's some up here too oh maybe we have to all touch one
what are is it the same ones in the same order up on the balconies yeah yeah you got
a you got a chair you got two chairs you got an upside down l because i know the alphabet
of course he does you got a rectangle a flame a star a square an hourglass a right triangle yeah
check some yeah that's what i said yeah i'm just running through making sure you know like check
check this is what i got check well that was my idea when i mean we can touch something all
right let's touch something yeah let's let's just play the cancers yeah which one of these
is there's probably the two chairs that's we'll see all right what are we touching are we touching
the hourglass again well if donnie can go up to one who else has good climbing skills who can
go up and touch the other one because there's two balconies right anybody can climb it's the eight
feet above i can't fair anybody probably got fairly good vert as a winter wolf but
uh are you thinking we'll touch all three at the same time and see if that works
yeah okay i'll climb up on a balcony
touching the hourglass again or what do you guys think yeah let's uh let's have donnie
count us down and we'll touch it yeah uh three seven four well he knows his alphabet
but not his numbers he's still learning 12 push it we push it push it real good everybody
pushes the hourglass and those that are pushing it everybody feels a course of energy come in
and through their arm and nothing happens okay i'm gonna climb down and i'm going to
no didn't he say that was a key like the hourglass was a key like maybe it's like locked
maybe we should try something different is there any place to put any of these stones
oh no no no just straight up no okay sorry it's key we've been collecting them i don't know um
um okay uh this feels like an inefficient way of doing this but and also gross and dirty
but i get some blood on my finger from the pool of blood and then i touch the thing to see if
that like activates it somehow you touch the hourglass again yeah you feel again the course of
energy and nothing happens touch the different one bossy okay i'm gonna touch this i'm just
kidding i'm totally just kidding okay i'm gonna touch the chair you touch the chair the single
chair single chair you feel a course of energy and a white light and it dissipates quickly
and you're in the room that you were in before okay i'm gonna touch the one with two chairs
which chair are you touching the chair on the right you touch the chair on your right
and everybody in the teleportation circle sees that white light
and is transported up to the balcony to the right
okay okay well i'm gonna touch the one chair again take us back down to the main room
just for fun just kicks we're just moving around i assume that's what happens
yeah you go back down to the the main area of this of this audience chamber okay
so what do we think the basement may be fire no the triangle
oh i don't know because it's the base maybe that seems reasonable because it's the last
i feel like star's gonna be some sort of fucking astronomy chamber i don't know yeah the
observatory so i would say square because we want to go to the dungeon and that's like
cell-like or the triangle let's try the square first
hold on is everyone in the teleportation we're not leaving like donnie behind
up in a balcony are we donnie get down here down touch the square you see the bright
white light and it flashes and dissipates you are transported to a different chamber
a presently empty chamber which might have been luxurious before being subjected to the
ravages of time a table assembled from small planks laid across barrels is covered in notes
and scrolls otherwise it is a fairly empty room i pad over to the notes and scrolls and i
nudge them with my nose and they go guys i can't read as a wolf it's very embarrassing for me
are these important uh let's have a look like like what if they're plans i don't know i'm
gonna look at the notes okay so flint you come over and you skim through the notes there
and they're all written most of them are written in common but they all seem to be
pertaining to uh draculiches and as you kind of read through you see no real bearing
to the to the current crisis at hand uh just a bunch of notes about draculiches guys i don't
think they're too helpful for us right now uh can you grab a few and put them in my
in my little wolfie satchel yep and i do that and you hear the crinkling of paper
okay so you you do that what do you do now okay you guys get back on this circle and
let's let's try another one get back in there should we try the hourglass now since we're in a
different place maybe uh maybe but we're trying to get to the dungeon right i think we were
all thinking hourglass because he said that was like what we were looking for but he was
holding a thing aloft so how could that be taking us to there was he holding the mask
know what i mean well it was the mask and then he had another item in his hand as well
i know we just heard words that were the same word so got really excited and started
trying to go to that place but it's fair but he also said someone else could have taken it
because didn't he leave it for us and it wasn't left for us so this is true i think
we may have to go the long way well with russ in charge i would not expect anything
oh we're definitely going to be in this tower for like three to six months yeah prepare yourself
listener in earth time in game it'll be like 25 minutes this is where we live now we're weekly
now i tried to speed it up by making this weekly right um let's go to the triangle okay
i press the triangle we're all back on the thing i press the triangle you see the bright
white light flash and you are back in the sundial room oh no you look down one way and you see an
exit to the city and you look down another way and you see an end or an exit or entrance to
the tower son of a what can we sprint to the tower you guys let's go let's all run together
let's just run together i agree okay i just want to hold hands and run yeah do we make it to
the tower yeah oh thank god okay i know let's get back inside the circle so now that we
never press that button again do we see the buttons there are no buttons on the outside
okay well we'll just fucking stand on it and go back to one chair two chair room red chair
blue chair you step back into the room you find yourself back in the room with the with
the dead cult oh you know what maybe they torture them in the dungeon let's let's go to the fire
button okay we're all gonna die wait okay sure yeah i'm not sure and we're cooked alive end of
podcast okay yeah fire what happens you see the bright light and it clears and you
find yourself in a room with a large fireplace in the center of the room which keeps the chamber
warm and cozy it's smoke magically vented outside about two-thirds of the skeleton of an
adult dragon is laid out on the floor curled around the fireplace but before you have time
to further assess a half dozen black cloaked figures move to attack you roll for initiative
can we press a button real fast i don't know do we want to fight or do we want to press a button
i don't know maybe it seems like this is where we're supposed to be
yeah true this could be yeah okay let's fucking fight
everybody's so stoked 16 16 27 oh i got a plus eight amy it's i'm always gonna be
amy good one that's your seven your 16 is so good 45
you did so good uh thaddeus had a five and flint was a 16
i was also a 16 so you're matched with thea there so you choose who goes first
you can go first oh thanks i was like uh i i didn't get to fight at all last time i know
that's why i was happy you got that one i just got trampled and gored and yeah and turned to
stone yeah yeah it was a really big day for me that last episode was it was really very
exciting uh okay so Nulara you are up first the teleportation circle is more a half circle
butted up against the wall there's the flame right in and the skeleton encircling the
flame the three people are coming at you from either side of the fire the room itself is 60 feet
in diameter does it look like they came through a door did they like come through
from behind the fireplace or something it looks like they were in the room already
okay what i know they are cloaked but are they like human human-sized yeah they're
humanoid size yeah but we can't tell if they're human you can't tell if they're human
okay just just that they're oids yeah uh okay well i'm gonna just try and stab one
sure good idea which sword are you using i am using dragon slayer
okay is my is my uge now uh that is a 16 will hit great that is
my as 11 damage which is awesome which is amazing and one of them dies right
no yep okay i'm going to try and try and do some more sorting and that is a 17
13 damage the one you are attacking dies tell me how you kill him or her i would like to
god this is what i always do i think i'm really into decapitating but i i want to do that because i
want to see what it is i want the head to roll away from the body so we can see if they're
humans or if it's something else just for curiosity's sake oh yeah it's fair uh yeah you
do so the head rolls towards the flames and it appears to be a human uh knowledge is power
people uh donnie is going to try to oh and he does recharge so are the other two still like
approaching us like can he use his breath weapon and just uh get them and not my friends
yeah yeah we could set that up okay then they need to do a deck save uh one is a 16
one is a six okay the six will fail so six gets full damage the other one gets half damage
okay that is 10 come on that's a shitty roll uh it's 15 why did you let amy roll for you
carla well i i can't i can't not use some of the dice i think oh i probably could sub out
this one okay i will sub out one one of those d10s there's a lot of d10s so
do you have more options uh right he gets to go again so he will do it donnie uh he did recharge
so he's gonna try and crispify him up again that is 16 damage yeah donnie as donnie moves
to the side and releases two quick flame breaths towards the fire in the center
encompassing the two cult members they uh shriek and scream and begin circling around the room
waving their arms before they drop to the ground charred to death
hey there i'm your dungeon master rust more thanks for joining us for episode 54 of
Dumbgeons and Dragons what were we doing here and i don't think they celebrated the fact
quite enough but the three of them made it out of the maze i think that they were just a bit
overwhelmed with the fact that they may have forgotten what they were supposed to do next
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your games to life links for everything mentioned today can be found in the description
below the next episode will be out next Wednesday September 26th when a big
wrinkle of a development makes everyone a tad nervous yeah it's big let's get back to this
teleportivator of an episode and see if they can figure out my hourglass transporter riddle
have a great week we'll talk soon
do it
flint no thea thea because you decided do it and you were listening and i was listening
uh i'm going to run up and bite one of these culprits i forgot you were a wolf for a second
like that's a weird choice it's a bold attack strategy oh shit she's tired of being a
spellcaster she's part gila monster and it's the poison in her mouth it really is what gets you
that's saliva yeah plus six 25 yeah that'll hit okay um two d6 plus four
six damage and you have to succeed on a strength do i wait you double one did yeah
that is impressive what's even with my shitty nine nine does not save and so you take all of it russ
well no he gets to take he takes all of it anyway but now he's not prone yep okay uh flint
now i'm gonna stroll over to that one that's not prone and just fucking hack away uh so that
is a 24 to attack uh you mean i don't know if that's gonna hit a man when he's down
oh might as well roll again now the 24 is the best one okay then yeah all right uh
oh 17 damage so you stroll stroll strut over i don't know what do you do when you kill this
guy uh yeah basically i have like the axe on my shoulder and i'm kind of whistling as i
walk over there and just in one fluid motion without even stopping i just take the axe off
and just bury it into his chest i imagine flint to be one of the seven dwarves like he's like
hi ho hi ho it's off to murder these fuckers i go yeah and as i get my axe out of his
chest cavity i turn to the other ones and start swinging at them do it
uh that is a 10 so i don't think that's gonna cut it that is less than
this is a solid three roll though i like that uh that's a 24 so that should be good yep all right
just one one damage so i can reroll that thanks to my skills all right that's 12 damage
okay i just i just want one of them to get you
so you don't manage to kill that one that you're attacking so there's one uninjured
and one that is is uh struck by axe and it is both of their turns thankfully for me
now they could know how i feel in a battle nobody gets a turn right uh huh so i wonder
if i could buy a can of axe body spray to like throw at them at some point just to
go with my axe theme uh one both of them approach you flint well one has already
approached you but the other one approaches you and both make an inflict wounds attack on you
what does that mean oh we're about to find out what we always do
sounds magic uh that is gonna be a 19 sure yep so you take on a hit you take three d10
necrotic damage there they inflicted wounds they like touch you and like necrotic energy
courses through your body and you take 13 20 necrotic damage okey-dokey i am going to use
my uh hang on here hang on uh oh did i maybe i didn't write that one down okay yeah i'll
just take the 20 that's fine okay the other one does the same through my old paper sheet and see
if i miss something the other one does the same thing but only rolls an 11 so don't you
guys have like things that can allow you to take less on magical damage uh no my my skill
allows me to take less on non-magic damage oh and carla your magical armor right although
you've been it's non-magical damage though yeah oh what but i haven't been hit yet so let's
i didn't forget it just hasn't come up yet uh flame mackenzie's up and she hurls a bubble
of acid at the one that missed flint and it has to make a dexterity saving throw which
it does not make 3d success five eight acid damage at the unharmed one a bubble of acid
spurts up and begins sizzling its cloak revealing that it's that human and his face
resembles that one dude from raiders of the lost ark when he looks at the ark exactly
thaddeus's turn thaddeus is gonna hang on here he's gonna bite he thought it was really cool
he did like the biting attack that is true uh he's gonna use his light crossbow and shoot
the one that's already hurt oh wait i guess they're both hurt now they're both he's gonna
shoot acid face okay let's just shorten it let's just call him ass face ass face perfect that's
19 and then oh full damage nine damage yes adios as this guy is like trying to wipe the
acid away from his hands and face um he takes a cross bolt where does he take a cross bolt
i don't know does it kill him or is he still standing he killed him uh he takes it directly
in the left eye right through his left as he opens his eyes he sees it coming towards him and
just explodes out the back of his head and he falls to the ground does he have a moment to say
anything like really mysterious like not again that would be that's my good eye and then we're
like thinking about it like how many times has this guy been hit in the eye by a crossbow
new laura it is your turn there is one enemy left bloodied and injured strike him down uh 22
you betcha 26 that's the most that's the most possible uh so explain to me what happens when
you eviscerate this like oh i think eviscerate is a good word like maybe i just like stab in
and then up pull out all the guts come out do you do an i guess the guts kind of
you know like zorro but like for Nulara no i got it i got it i like that i like that
it's kind of fucking morbid and disgusting when you're doing it with someone's guts but
Nulara is a little peevish having been in this maze and now this tower for what feels
like an eternity so sure a big end guts falling everywhere i like it that happens
and you're standing in uh another room of gore as you are so familiar with yep uh what do you
do in this room i pat up to them and i'm like guys i bit someone um can we like look around
and see if i don't know there's like something hidden under a fucking dragon bone or something
is there anything interesting from the dragon that i can take like can i take a small piece
of its bone like a claw i'm also gonna take an uncommon healing potion while we're standing
around you take your healing potion so yeah i'm not gonna make you roll in for anything
because you've got time to kind of examine this room you can see that the as you have
time to examine it that you figure that the skeleton is of a black dragon you can see the
bones are disconnected and placed roughly and that the creature's forelimbs are missing you
also see signs that the cultists do their cooking here finding a collection of simple
dishware stacked along the north wall along the uh along with sacks containing potatoes
and turnips and jerky and flour and aside from the lovingly cleaned skeleton and notes
this level holds nothing of real value but i mean if there's something from
the dragon that you want to take aside from its forelimbs which are not there
can i take a tooth i take a dragon tooth i'm not sure how i get it Nulara can you grab a
dragon tooth for me i i lift up one of my paws i'm like yeah yeah you you betcha thanks
i'll go desecrate this black dragon for my friend well it's not obviously not the first time it's
been desecrated let's be honest clearly i i also walk over and i want to see what's because i
used to you know work in the library and be a scribe that these scholarly documents might be i
might notice that they might be helpful you take them and yeah i i take them and i'll let
the guild and everyone else well i mean you can we'll say you take them you find something
interesting and i'll determine what that is later yeah i can't read them anyway no it's probably
going to be dracolich or dragon called based but i will i will come up with that information
is power my friend could just be recipes could be this is where they do their cooking
i'll make a note scholar notes fia and give you some proper information
when you have time to actually go through them nice
um okay well let's get back on ye old teleportation device and press another button what do you guys
think yeah sure yep sounds good who's got a vote where you guys want to go we have left an
upside down star star star all right flint it's flint's first suggestion so let's take it
and i press the star a few seconds pass and the white light comes and energy courses through you
and clears in an instant and you enter another chamber and it's clearly the workplace of a
wizard a pair of voluminous tomes on astronomy and astrology lie open on a table a massive
telescope of brass crystal and polished mahogany rests on an intricate stand in
the middle of the chamber a ladder rests against one wall and an immense crystal lens
is embedded in the ceiling does this room smell of rich mahogany and leather bound books
you'd better believe it does matter of fact it does because i've got keen senses when it
comes to smell i'm like that's that's mahogany what can i look through the telescope and see if
it's i don't know pointed at something cool are the wizards here oh yeah is there any wizards
in the room it's just an empty room you're like excuse me gentlemen on tertiary glance
there is nobody present gonna take a little looky-loo through here in this room her little
what do we say it was gonna be it's gonna be i'm gonna take a little oh shit no well i have
the looky-loo but then i said you have to say i'm gonna every time you look at it did i say you
have to say i'm gonna take a little looky-loo it's gonna have a little looksy i think is it
isn't it god damn it i can't remember remembering all this in post yeah do my voice for me
sorry i'll have your voice just saying butt stuff
butt stuff butt stuff butt stuff wow he didn't even need to edit that since since there don't
appear to be any wizards i want to look through the telescope in case it's pointed at like i
don't know pointed directly at the sun floating floating up above this on a platform or something
oh shit i'm blind now yeah you're just in one eye yeah okay it's one of those two-eyed telescopes
like a microscope she actually takes her face off and she's just got like big black rings
around her eyes classic prank jokesters in here um i mean it's pointed it's pointed you're
looking like through the optic lens to see what it's looking at yeah it's it just appears to be
pointed pointed at the stars which it's a nice clear night and you can see all the constellations
whoopity-doo just kidding it's exciting probably because the sky was all fucked
up when we were in that fucking maze so i'm probably delighted to see what seems like the
normal sky right uh okay um what what else do you guys want to look at uh i look around i
i say hey um do these tomes look interesting it's really it's really unfortunate that i can't read
um what about like guys these tomes i bet these are super important uh looks like
astronomy and astrology you want those i i don't know will those fit in your
wolf fanny pack or whatever you're pretty big i don't know maybe not okay all right well
as you guys are looking through the books you notice very quickly that it begins to get cold
in the room what world do i notice that i'm covering for oh you notice a distinct
temperature drop as you begin being pelted by sharp shards of ice as you are caught in an ice
storm as you look up you see five cult members standing from an a high up balcony staring down
at you watching you be pelted by ice we're so bad at scanning the room you guys it's not our
strong point uh excuse me please please stop hailstones fill the room and cover the floor
creating difficult terrain you have to take oh my god 14 bludgeoning damage as well as
12 cold damage ice to see you talk about a chilly reception
music in today's episode was by Kavin mcleod of incompetent film music dot i o
uh that's the episode title if you recall uh so much butt stuff yeah i don't we explain to tom
that's but yeah apparently that's not the right thing no well we're waiting for a skype not to
be funny kid told me a joke at the ranch today did you hear about the kidnapping
no no it's okay he woke up nice that's a good joke that's sweet that's a sweet joke i like
yeah all the other ones were about poop but yeah that's pretty standard yeah volume no you
had it yeah you had it you had it you got it yeah uh sorry it just didn't sound right and
coming up uh volume tomes Dumbgeons and dragons is a dumb dragons production